1、以前让一个人消失，需要杀人藏尸。现在让一个人消失，只要问他什么时候还钱。
Before letting a person disappear, we need to kill and hide the corpse. Now let a person disappear, just ask him when to repay the money.
2、听说你被**，真的把我吓坏。好替那人担心，卖得掉你才怪！
I was horrified to hear that you were abducted and sold. Well, worry about that man. It's strange to sell you!
3、你看看你，美国头，法国腰，印度鼻子，香港脚，人不人，鬼不鬼，只有一个脑袋，两条腿。
Look at you, American head, French waist, Indian nose, Hong Kong foot, human, ghost not ghost, only one head, two legs.
4、给你快乐，给你幸福，就是我所愿，真的好爱你！让世间的累赘滚一边去，相爱是美好的！
To give you happiness, to give you happiness, is what I want, really love you! Let the burden of the world roll away and love is wonderful.
5、你若一回头，吓死一头牛，你若而回头，乔丹玩足球，你若三回头，基因重组人变猴。
If you look back and scare a cow to death, if you look back, Jordan plays football, if you look back three times, the recombinant human becomes a monkey.
6、人家拿木仓你拿棍，人家吃饭你捡粒儿，人家吃鱼你吃刺儿，人家拉屎你闻味儿！
People take wooden barn you take sticks, people eat you pick up grains, people eat fish you eat thorns, people shit you smell!
7、我是甜瓜，你是苦瓜；我是黄瓜，你是木瓜；我是西瓜，你是傻瓜；我是丝瓜，你是呆瓜！
I am a melon, you are a bitter melon; I am a cucumber, you are a papaya; I am a watermelon, you are a fool; I am a luffa, you are a fool!
8、拥抱真是个奇怪的东西，明明靠的那么近，却看不见彼此的脸。
A hug is a strange thing. It's so close, but it can't see each other's face.
9、你紧锁的眉头是我的哀愁，你动人的笑容是我快乐的缘由，你的幸福是我一生最大的追求。
Your locked eyebrows are my sorrow, your moving smile is my reason for happiness, your happiness is the greatest pursuit of my life.
10、一个成功男人背后永远站着一个女人，一个有钱的女人背后永远站着一群男人。
Behind a successful man stands a woman forever, behind a rich woman stands a group of men forever.
11、跟班上的学渣多联系，因为等你大学毕业时，人家已经是工头了。
Learn more about the rest of the class, because when you graduate from University, people are already foreman.
12、哎哟，讨厌，男生都像苍蝇似的粘着我。室友头也不抬地回说：大概是因为你长得像大便吧！
Oh, no, boys are glued to me like flies. The roommate replied, "maybe it's because you look like a stool."
13、天上有个太阳，水中有个月亮，我不知道，我不知道，我不知道，哪个更圆哪个更亮。
There is a sun in the sky and a moon in the water. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, which is more round and which is brighter.
14、一等儿女有福气，二等儿女走时气，三等儿女等运气，四等儿女干生气。
First class children are fortunate, two children wait for the time, three children and other luck, four children and so on.
15、和上司说美话，和下属说丑话，和老婆说谎话，和情人说瞎话，和熟人说笑话，和生人说鬼话。
Talk beautifully to your boss, to your subordinates, to your wife, to your lover, to your acquaintances, and to strangers.
16、给你阳光、你就灿烂；给你月光、你就浪漫；给你洪水、你就泛滥；给你黑暗、你就完蛋！
Give you sunshine, you will be brilliant; give you moonlight, you will be romantic; give you flood, you will flood; give you darkness, you will be doomed!
17、小时候缺爱，长大了缺钙，穿着裤头，打着领带，自以为是东方不败，其实是傻瓜一代。
Childhood love, growing up calcium deficiency, wearing trousers, wearing a tie, think that the East is unbeaten, is actually a generation of fools.
18、你骂我，我低头，你老婆生了一窝猴，有蹦的，有跳的，还有看完信息傻笑的！
You scold me, I bow my head, your wife gave birth to a nest of monkeys, there are jumping, jumping, and read the information silly laugh!
19、见到骨头你就笑，急了你还把墙跳。生人来了拼命叫，人类有你真真好。
When you see a bone, you laugh and hurry. You jump the wall. Strangers come and cry. It's so nice to have you.
20、感冒偏方：将头放于门框，用力关门，直至眩晕且伴有轻微淤血，感冒即可治愈。
Cold recipe: put your head in the doorframe, close the door forcibly until you feel dizzy and have a slight congestion, and the cold can be cured.
21、你看那个男生真可爱，他头顶一捆大白菜，身穿一条麻袋，腰系一跟海带，看上去象东方不败。
You see that boy is so cute. He looks like an invincible man in the East with a bundle of cabbage on his head, a sack and a kelp around his waist.
22、为了你，我可上九天揽月，可下五洋捉鳖；因为你就是那天上的月，也是那洋底的鳖！
For you, I can take the moon for nine days and catch turtles in the five oceans, because you are the moon on that day and the turtle on the bottom of the ocean!
23、成熟是给陌生人看的，傻是给小伙伴看的，幼稚是给喜欢的人看的。
Maturity is for strangers. Silly is for small partners, naive is for the likes of people.
24、娶了老婆更是累，洗脚揉腿带捶背，捶完再陪床上睡，仿佛万恶旧社会，把把都是辛酸泪！
Married a wife is even more tired, wash feet rubbing legs with hammering back, hammering and then accompany the bed to sleep, as if the evil old society, all are bitter tears!
25、听说你师傅教了你上中下三路剑法，可是你上中剑不学，偏偏自学了个下剑！
I heard that your master taught you the upper middle and lower three-way fencing, but you do not learn the middle sword, but self-taught a lower sword!
26、发这条信息给你并没有什么特别的意思，其目的只不过是想消耗你手机的一点点电力而已。
There's nothing special about sending this message to you, it's just about consuming a little bit of electricity on your phone.
27、世上有两种女孩最可爱，一种是漂亮；一种是聪慧，而你是聪明的漂亮女孩。
There are two kinds of girls in the world, one is beautiful, the other is intelligent, and you are smart and beautiful girl.
28、我们心有灵犀，我们心心相印，我是新新人类，正逗猩猩高兴！
Our hearts are in tune. Our hearts are together. I am a new human being. I am playing with gorillas.
29、恭喜你中了大奖，请于今天晚上十点整，带着马刀、鸟木仓、土炮到中国人民银行蒙面领取。
Congratulations on your winning the prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China at 10:00 p.m. this evening with a horse knife, a bird-and-wood warehouse and an earthen cannon to collect it.
30、天不怕，地不怕，就怕老师来我家。坐俺的墩儿，喝俺的茶，老师一走妈就打。
God is not afraid, afraid of the ground, I am afraid the teacher came to my house. Sit at my pier and drink my tea. When the teacher walks, mom will fight.
31、人生自古谁无屎，有谁大便不用纸？若君不用卫生纸，莫非你是用手指！
Who has no feces since ancient times? Ruo Jun didn't use toilet paper, did you use your fingers?
32、水在海洋里是渺小的，在沙漠里却是伟大的。鸡在鹤群里是小的，但在鹌鹑里是它就算伟大的！
Water is small in the ocean, but great in the desert. Chickens are small in the crane group, but they are great in quails.
33、爱情是上网，你下载了我，我就跟定了你！但是我害怕你突然死机，为了安全，买个电源吧！
Love is the Internet, you download me, I set you up! But I'm afraid you suddenly crash, and buy a power supply for safety.
34、测试一下你的普通话，请大声朗读下面的诗：暗石绿，暗石竹，暗石透春绿，暗石透春竹。
To test your Mandarin, read aloud the following poems: Dark Stone Green, Dark Carnation, Dark Stone Spring Green, Dark Stone Spring Bamboo.
35、你的活泼可爱及天真让我感到生活的美好，今天我要慎重的对你说：儿子我爱你。
Your liveliness, loveliness and innocence make me feel the beauty of life. Today, I want to tell you carefully: Son I love you.
36、笨男人为钱玩命，聪明男人为权玩命；笨女人为爱玩命，聪明女人为钱玩命！
Stupid men play for money, smart men play for power; Stupid women play for love, smart women play for money!
37、爱要怎样说出口，倒在杯里全是酒。我一口一口又一口，醉死我也不放手！
Love talks about wine, but wine in the cup. I bite and bite, and I will not let go!
38、只爱一个有点傻，爱上两个最起码，三个五个刚适宜，十个八个才潇洒。
If you only love one, you are a little silly, and you fall in love with two. At the very least, the three five are just right, and the ten eight are handsome.
39、酒逢知己千杯少，想说爱你好不好？话不投机半句多，你不爱我请别说！
There is a thousand cups of wine, so is it good to say hello? Don't say half a word, you don't love me, please don't say!
40、唱歌不象唱歌音，好象你家灭火烟，留出你这短命鬼，到我面前来装颠。
Singing is not like singing, as if your house smoked a cigarette, leaving your short life ghost to come to me.
41、太阳出来照大地！欢迎大伙来看戏！要问我是哪一个，人送外号小巩俐！
The sun comes out to shine on the earth! Welcome everyone to the theatre! To ask which one I am, the person sends a nickname, little Gong Li!
42、我的思念不是高压电网，是可以触摸的网，可是为什么你总是不来触摸？
My missing is not a high voltage grid, it is a touchable net, but why do you always do not touch?
43、天会黑，人会变，三分情，七分骗，路还长，别太狂，以后指不定谁辉煌！
The sky will be black, people will change, three points, seven points cheat, the road is long, do not be too crazy, who will be brilliant in the future.
44、超市寻人记：手提重物，掩面欲哭。众里寻他千百度，那厮却在超市排队处。
Supermarket tracing: carrying heavy objects, hiding your face to cry. The crowd looked for him, but he was in the supermarket queue.
45、人咬狗三大结局：人赢狗：比狗还狠！狗赢人：连狗都不如！打平了：跟狗一样！
People bite dog three outcomes: people win dogs: even harder than dogs! Dogs win: even dogs are not as good as dogs! Ping: same as dogs!
46、测试一下普通话，请大声朗读下面的诗：暗石绿，暗石竹，暗石透春绿，暗石透春竹。
To test Putonghua, please read aloud the following poems: Dark Stone Green, Dark Carnation, Dark Stone Spring Green, Dark Stone Spring Bamboo.
47、没有你的日子里，我可以好好地爱惜我自己！没有我的日子里，你可以慢慢地折磨你自己！
In the days without you, I can take good care of myself. Without my day, you can slowly torture yourself!
48、我损你的时候你会来损我，现在我夸你，是希望你也夸我一下，你回“我知道”是几个意思？
When I hurt you, you will hurt me. Now I want you to praise me. What do you mean by "I know"?
49、有的家庭，几根面条就能撑起热腾腾的日子；有的家庭，一堆金币反而把日子折腾得七颠八倒。
Some families, a few noodles can support the hot days; some families, a pile of gold coins on the contrary, the day is tossed upside down.